I typed into Google “What qualities attract…” intending to
put the words ‘career success’ at the end but I swallowed my own tongue before
I could finish typing. The very first suggested search was “What qualities
attract a women to a man.” I misread that message the first time, my brain
automatically understood it as ‘what qualities attract a man to a woman.’
In 40% of the cases of domestic abuse females are the ones
doing the abusing. We never hear about that in the news. In a recent video by
True Activist on YouTube it clearly showed that the public would jump to the
aid of a women being abused and walk on by or even laugh when the tables turned
and the male was being abused. The first suggested search on Google this
morning proves that males are gravitating towards the internet in hopes to make
themselves more attractive. This drive for relationship success is being fired
by self-confidence, or lack of, and the desire to find someone who will be just
as attracted to them physically, mentally and emotionally as they are to the
female.
However, we generally assume that women are the ones who
live their lives in hope for a companion who will love them, spoil them and, if
you are one of the lucky ones, never cheat on them. I couldn’t find any reliable
sources to throw a stat in your face about the percentage of women who cheat
vs. the percentage of men who are unfaithful but I could take an educated guess
that they are remarkably close. Still, we typically assume that the male
population is doing the majority of the cheating.
Women hold other women to very high standards. We expect
perfection from each other, as long as that perfection does not threaten us in
anyway. If their perfection does appear as a threat we hate on that women
as if the need to fight to defend our loved ones is just as comparable to a
lion defending her helpless prey. We assume that men have no control and are
just animals walking around staring at every ass that walks by. They are
portrayed as victims in a world where their innocence, or rather obliviousness,
is the last remaining purity and due to this us women hate on one another for
“teasing” our poor helpless men who can’t help but look if someone walks by
with their butt wrapped tightly in spandex. In what parallel world would our
guys ever man up and take some responsibility for their wondering eyes… hands…
and allow us women to be proud of our bodies and not fear what other ladies
might think about how we dress. Because sorry dudes, not every low shirt or
tight pair of pants are for you. Majority of the time they are to instill fear
into the hunters eyes that may be targeting our successfully caught prey. I do
not do squats to keep you interested, I do squats so others assume that you
would never leave me based purely on physical attraction to my tight behind.
Yet here I am, fully aware of the toxic way I think and
still burdening my boyfriend with mind numbing self-pity almost every time he
gets home from the gym in fear that one of those girls walked by with a larger,
tighter butt then mine and not giving Brodie any credit. He is fully capable of
making his own decisions and weighing the consequences that follow but I feel
the need to micro manage. God that was hard to type out. It is so hard to admit
to myself that I think all men are incapable of admitting their wrong doings
and/or have no self-control. I can talk myself into believing that Brodie is an
amazing person who’s most important desire is for me to fully trust him without
that little voice in the back of my head saying “girls suck and he is just a
boy that might fall into one of their traps.” The reality is that he is the
type of guy who will show me respect, make me feel valued and give me no reason
to ever doubt the words that come out of his mouth. Ever.
Maybe I am alone in this battle. Maybe I am the only one who
can show my vulnerabilities to the entire world. Whatever it is, I am so tired
of feeling like I am the only one who has a crazy brain that can run wildly out
of control. I am so tired of being told that jealousy is bad. That doing this
will make your man leave. That by not doing this your man will leave. Honestly,
if your man wants to leave he freaken will. End of story.
That’s a hard fact to swallow. Loving someone so strongly is
dangerous. Having to put so much trust in another person’s hands… giving them
your heart and hoping they take care of it. I am getting pretty far from the
topic I started with but this is where my mind is taking me. I am jealous and I
have always been told it is a negative trait but I have decided that it is one
of my positives. I am jealous and protective but because of that I am loyal and
trustworthy. I will be there 100% for any of my loved ones, I will do whatever
it takes to put a smile on their faces. If my jealousy also drives my loyalty
then I don’t think I am doing too badly. I think that guys and girls both get
jealous of what they believe is theirs, especially when that person is holding
your heart. I also think that jealously is an attractive trait in a partner.
Not to the point it is controlling but feel free to be protective of me, to be
driven mad at the idea of someone else trying to flirt with me. Just also know
that I share that jealously and I will be forever loyal to you. Jealousy is a
good thing, it means that I have a part of your heart, or you have part of mine
and we want to make sure the other is taking care of it.
Much Love,
Megan
