Unbreakable Love

Sometimes I wonder what my purpose is here on earth. We all have one don't we? I find myself pondering this subject more and more recently... Who knows why. Maybe it's because I have a burning need to travel and experience new places, something I haven't done in a while now. Maybe it's because I have a new outlook on my life, life in general actually, and it's pushing me to search for more. Either way, I'm positive that I will do more then I am right now. I'll inspire more people and I'll have a successful career, I'll balance my passion with a family and I'll be so blissfully happy. 

But the problem with all of these things is the fact that I don't know how I want to accomplish them, or even when I want to accomplish them for that matter. Without direction how do you work towards something? You don't. 

So right now in this moment I am look and searching for some direction or a sign of which way I should be headed. Unfortunatly for me, I get lost easily. 

Brodie found that out this weekend. Lol. Poor guy might as well be dating a duck, I can hardly tell which way is up and which is down. We had an amazing weekend despite my ability to get us lost at every possible point along the way. Our journey up was quite eventful. Before I got us completely turned out in the city we witness a rather scary moose/vehicle accident. I was pretty shaken up by this but as usual, managed to control my emotions and react as needed. We ending up spending about an hour with the victims before we were back on our way. Seeing this crash sent memories of April sixth flooding back, something I didn't need a reminder of as I was already starting to mentally prepare for visiting Syd's cross on the side of the road. But we don't get to choose the majority of our life events so I had to deal. I had to put on my big girl panties, call the cops and organize my thoughts. So I did just that and carried on with my life. Thinking back on it later, I realized that if that other car didn't hit the moose it would of been us. Good thing I didn't realize this until later or else I would of been a lot more shaken up at the time. By the time midnight rolled around I was curled up in bed with a clean face and freshly brushed teeth so I was thankful I wasn't spending my night in a hospital bed. 

Saturday morning Brodie, Tammy, Sommer and I went to watch Edian's football game. Although I only get the basic rules of this game I did greatly enjoy watching these young boys run around with oversized helmets trying to avoid the men who already hit puberty. 

Arriving back on the ranch Tammy suggested I show Brodie around a little. We went down to the hunting shack and then the beach. The large ranch felt so empty without Sydney there. Her wild hair and loud laugh always seemed to make the 5,000 acres seem so small. I see so much of her in Tami though. It's impossible not to feel close to Syd when I'm close to Tami... Makes me feel like I'm at home... At peace. When I look at Sommer, Syd's aunt, I can't help but admire her eyelashes and think back about how much I used to always wish I could steal Syd's from her. I see Sydndy everywhere on the ranch, which saddens me yet also brings me comfort. 

I can feel when I need to get out to the ranch, when I need my fix of the Ellis family. And I needed it bad. I need a shot of Tami's wisdoms and Edian's humour. I feel refreshed in a way I don't have the vocabulary to properly explain. 

I'm so thankful I got to spend another weekend in one of my favorite places on earth, with some of my favourite people. I'm thankful I have amazing friends and family and the perfect boyfriend to bring colour into my life. I'm thankful that I am (slowly) learning that there is a lesson in every tragedy... And even though the sadness of the tragedy may outweigh the  happiness of the lesson we must remember to be thankful for the lesson anyways. 

I've learned that we can not truly live until we have to face death, experice loss, and come out still swinging, still breathing and still smiling. Getting completely emerged by the darkness will do no good, we must wake up and remember the hurt, remember the lesson, remember just how much of a smoke show our Sydney was and pass on her wisdom, her attidude and her stories to everyone close to us. That's how she still lives, through all of our unbreakable love her her. 

Much Love,

Megan