Today is a tough one. I couldn't help but take a few more trips to the bathroom at work today just to collect myself... I guess I needed a few pep talks to keep my smile on my face today. I woke up and couldn't help but cry at the fact that my best friend is no longer here all because of a text message. Why? Why did all of her beauty and honesty and humour and sass and just gosh darn perfection all have to come to such a tragic end? Some days it still doesn't seem real. Today felt like I just heard the news for the first time, the wounds are raw. I'm sure time will help me heal but right now, I can't help but feel like my heart is covered in paper cuts and soaking in a salt bath. I'm hurting. I'm longing for Syd. I'm broken.
But thankfully, that is just today. Tomorrow will be better, easier... I'll be stronger. It's what I do. I break down and rebuild, becoming mentally stronger then ever before. Some of those breaks are tougher to recover from then others. Today's break was a big one. That doesn't mean that I won't wake up ready to take on the day tomorrow, it just means that tonight I need a hot shower and a stand up comedy to calm me down.
I'll heal. I know I will. Days like today make me doubt that but I quickly remind myself the truth. I remind myself that so far I have survived. I have survived being sat on by a massive horse, I've survived some serious mental issues, I've become wise dealing with my family members many addiction issues, I've learned to be empathetic while also never straying from my values, I've been taught to never quit, never surrender, to just live the best we can... Honestly, passionately and authentically. I've survived quite well up to this point... I'll survive this challenge too. I'll learn the lesson this tragedy was supposed to teach me and I'll pass it on to my loved ones.
Yet, I sit alone in the kitchen willing the tears to stop running down my cheeks. I beg for this to all be a dream. I wish for a chance to change the past. I know I must not torture myself with these unattainable thoughts but for some reason they are harder to manage today.
Fortunately for me.... "Love doesn't rest, love doesn't move on. Love is alive when people ceased to live. Love is rich in laughter, tears, anger and heartbreak... LOVE JUST IS." My good friend said this. I choose right now, in the moment to live for those words.
Love just is. Three words that are almost more special then "I Love You." Love is uncontrollable, love is colourful, love is ubiquitous, love is firey and calming all at once, love is unique between every two people that share it. Therefor, love is rare. However, we must remember the word I previously used to describe it... Ubiquitous.... Everywhere. Love is all these things. Love is everwhere we look, yet we will never see the same type of love twice, we will never feel or experience the same type of love twice. So we must cherish the moments we have with the ones we love. One day those moments will be memories. Love doesn't die, true love never ends, it lives on though our memories and shared experiences. Love teaches us to be humble. Love does too many things to fully list. One of the favorite things love does for me is remind me that some things are timeless. We all love. We all die. Our love never dies. Nothing else lives on forever like love does. I strive to give lots of love to those closest to me. I do this so when I pass, my love will live on. This is how we live forever, we love.
Much Love,
Megan
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