LOVE LIFE AND EVERYONE DAY

On days like today we remember. We remember her laugh, the way her hair smelt, the sound her voice made when she said "Fonzy!!" 

We just remember things more vividly. 

This scares me. It makes me wonder why I ever forgot about the time we cut through the crowds in Chinook Mall with our 'bitch face' on, arms linked, so people would move. Or when I read through our texts last night I realized I forgot about all of her drunk texts. I forgot just how much she said we were twins.

I doubt our friendship some days. I wonder if I meant as much to her as she means to me. I sit there and confuse my thoughts with memories... I find it hard to decipher the truth. I worry that my perception of our friendship was different then hers. I am grieving the loss of a sister. To me she was exactly that. I just hope her feelings reciprocated mine. 

I'll never know for sure though. I'm never going to know what she told other people about me or what she thought of me. I want to ask her. I want her to validate our friendship because some days I forget. Today, I forget. 

But, today is "Love Life and Everyone" day so I must not dwell on these made up idea's in my head. I must be thankful for the people I love that are still here, because, they are the ones that have helped me though my story. 

Do you know who I am thankful for? Her mother, Tami. 

Tami has shown me how to properly grieve, how to remain strong even through the worst of times, how to accept the beauty in every soul, and how to make peace with this tragity.

People say Syd had an old soul with eyes full of wisdom. People say the same to me. I say, she got that old soul and beautiful eyes from her mother. Being around Tami makes me feel like I am with Syd. Their mannerisms, their thin frames, their humor... It's all the same. I can say Tami is one of my sisters, I see her soul just like I see Syd's.

I see strength in Tami and I know that is were Syd got it. People like Sydney don't just happen. She was born with an amazing set of characteristics, but her mother truly shaped her into my best friend.

I could go on and on about all the amazing things Tami had accomplished, all that she has overcome but we all know this is her Everest. Tami is tackling this uphill battle of loss with grace, poise, strength, determination... And a little wine. Not only is Tami being a wonderful exaple for people all over the world she is being a wonderful example to Edian. Showing her son that life can be bitter and beautiful all at the same time. 

I admire Tami. I want to grow into a person with her same outlook on life, her same values, her same respect for every individual. 

So, on days like today... On "LOVE LIFE AND EVERYONE" day, I think of Tami. I think of the gifts, lessons and adventures she has given me and I feel thankful. I feel loved. I feel that there is light within this hardship and I know the light is there because of Tam. 

She is somehow managing to heal and teach amazing lessons to anyone willing to listen.

So Tami, I thank you for giving the world a girl as amazing as Sydney, and for also teaching us all how to live without her. 

Much Love,

Megan