Warriors.

We are all warriors. We all have battle scars, eyes that give away our every thought, mannerisms that are learned from those we spend our time with. We all live and experience life. Those experiences are all different and we take different learnings away from them but the idea is basically the same.

We all experience death. We all grieve the loss of loved ones, we all feel the sadness and darkness that follows the passing and one day we will all face death ourselves. 

We experience life. We experience death. 

Christmas this year is different. Typically, Christmas is a time spent with those you are closest with. You laugh, joke, bring gifts... The mood is light. This year however, I can't help but feel sad. I miss her. I miss her more and more each day. Last year at this time we were skyping with Doug's (now Tami's) puppy, Annie. This year I only see her in my dreams or driving past a field my eyes play tricks on me and I see her galloping on top of a giant blank horse.

Death isn't a fun thing to face, but we all have to. The only way I have been able to survive this tragity is through the support of my close friends, the wisdom Tami shares, and the big goofy horse named Fonzy nickering at me when I walk up. I'm not even sure I am surviving. It seems this month has been nocking me to my knees more then in the past. I have amazing people in my life to give me a hand up when I need it. 

People who come out with me to the barn on a cold Christmas Day to make sure the horses are alive and have bellies full of treats. I have people who send me Facebook messages quickly saying "Love ya Meg" at times when I seem to need it most. I have a person who hugs me goodbye before he leaves for a big hockey tournament, who even he didn't know how much I needed that today. 

We all have our people.

We all lose our people. 

Losing our people feels like we are losing parts of ourselves. I have never lost a limb but I feel as though it is comparable. All of a sudden you find yourself without something, or someone, who has become part of your life. You use it, them, on a daily basis. When it/they are gone we must learn to walk again. Find our equilibrium again. We must find a was to survive, to fight on.

People don't have "baggage." We have scars. And they are beautifully unique. They seperate us from everyone else experiencing life. They give us character, they remind us of our mistakes or our loved ones who are no longer here.  Our scars should be warn with pride, proof that we have fought in battle and healed. 

Life isn't always fun. Sometimes it pushes us to corners we never thought we would ever be in, and we must carry on. We don't choose our story, we just fill in the blanks. 

I still cry almost ever day over the loss of my best friend. I want to wake up from one of my bad nightmares and call her. Run up to her and hug her so big her wild brown hair gets in my face. I can't though. Instead, I wear this scar with pride. Knowing that even on the tough days ahead, I am still a warrior. We all are. 

Much Love,

Megan