This quote rolls off of my tongue nicely but actually living by these words is hard for me. I never used to be this way but recently I find myself getting a jealous feeling over the silliest of things. And I don't like it. I'm not used to that sick feeling in my stomach or losing sleep over a stupid matter... But here I am. Wide awake at four in the morning because I'm letting my jealously control my thoughts. Perfect Megan. You're killing it.
You see, I have been comparing myself to so many girls recently and it sucks. Sure, I did it in the past too but these last few weeks have been out of control. I see a girl with a nicer body then me on my Instagram (I follow tons of fitness accounts so this happens lots) and it kinda ruins my mood for a couple min. Yeah, I get over it pretty quick but still.. It's not fun.
This whole feeling has slowly been making me crazy and I guess tonight was my breaking point. I am laying here being incredibly hard on myself and nothing I try to think seems to be able to shake my negitive thoughts. This is totally one of my mental disorders coming out but I just can't seem to grab a hold of it this past week. Typically I am very much in control of my mind... I have to be in order to remain mentally healthy, but right now I am without a doubt losing my shit.
The thing that really bothers me about this whole situation right now (besides losing sleep and feeling crazy) is the fact that I can pin point exactly why it's happening but I just can't seem to actually change it. Like what the 'freaken bats' is that about?!
Why can't I just be like "yeah okay brain, you're chemically unbalanced, I get it. Now stop it and be happy."
Uhhh I feel like I can't even write well today because I am completely consumed by these horrible thoughts that most likely are completely made up situations in my head... I am (legit) basic white girl-ing right meow. Making up situations then worrying about those situations as if they were real situations... Still following?
If you didn't understand that it probably means you're normal, so congrats my friend you get a cookie. As for those who were able to follow that, yay you made the team. We have matching jerseys, weekly meetings to obsess over our wildly inaccurate worries, a cool texting group, and pictures of jacked girls to make your problems worse. Sign up is free.
There is zero positive ending to this post. No motivational quote or small success. I'm still laying here going nuts, just thought I would give writing a try, it didn't seem to help much. I'm be hitting the gym in an hour so hopfully that helps me get my head back on straight.
Much Love Crazies,
Megan
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