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Love.

Hate.

Two complete opposites. Two words that bring up opposite emotions, opposite people, opposite thoughts, opposite memories. These words are completely, one hundred and ten percent unrelated but yet they somehow can be entwined in certain parts of our lives. We all love sunrises, but we hate getting up early. We love summer days but hate mosquitoes. We love to be independent, we hate to feel alone.

Love.

Hate.

Welded antonyms.

Life teaches us balance. Life will rip you apart, it will rupture your very soul, life will end. It will end in such a tragedy that everyone close to the life that once was, but no longer is, will be left standing on the side of the road wondering how the last breath felt. How the last laugh sounded. How the last feeling felt. It will leave loved ones who are still being pulsed with warm blood crying in a Starbucks at the thought of what it must of felt like to have everything go dark. To no longer… to no longer be anything but a beautiful soul.

Then life will bring you a picture of a guy with spiky hair and the caption "wife me" and you will look back on that first Snapchat through a friends phone and think… yeah I will do that one day. Life will gift you with beautiful souls, who's voices you can still hear, and you will have to sit back and think. Not just about the cute fall boots you saw at the mall the other day, you will have to really, really think. You'll have to cry. Then laugh. Then be more confused then ever.

Because life does that. It gives you love and gives you hate.

Whether the caption is "I dunno, duggghh, and lol" or "wife me." Whether it's death by selfie or love by selfie, life will teach you to love… even after all the hate. I hated life aftar the "I dunno, duuggghh, and lol."I was so prepared to end my life. To stop everything. I craved the darkness because it seemed so much better then the painful light that was now cutting through everything I was. The brightness was  probing at my soul. Every lesson comes with a brightness, a new understanding. I was just taught death… death by selfie… and I was going to jump head first into the darkness because I didn't ask for this lesson, I didn't want it, and I wasn't going to face it. I was going to end it.

Then three months to the day later, I was taught love. Another lesson I didn't ask for… another lesson that was changing everything I thought I was. I was given brightness that wasn't piercing my soul but rather stuffing all those previous shatters and filing me with light that isn't too much to handle… it's just the right amount. It's the type of feeling you only get to experience with one person in your lifetime.

The timing was all wrong, yet perfect at the same time. It moved to quickly, yet perfectly. It was unexpected, and surprising, and everything that I had never wanted. I didn't know what I wanted… what I needed… but life taught me. It taught me to love, even after all the hate.

Life will force you to think further then your university class or job training. Life will push you all over the place in a wild, balloon in the wind manner and it will teach you things you didn't even know you needed to learn. Life has made me think these last six months. It has made me a fighter… something I didn't know it was. Life has broken me in ways that even my worst nightmares couldn't come up with but it has also brought me experiences that somehow help me find the gifts in death.

Every death brings gifts and lessons. I am learning my lessons and experiencing my gifts. These gifts and lessons don't preponderate the pain from the death but somehow they make it bearable…What used to be an insufferable amount of brightness is now a sunset at dusk.

Balance isn't always good, and it isn't always bad… it just is. Just like all of us.

We just are. Balance just is.

Much Love,

Megan