I very recently learned that I am completely in control of my life. I decide to be happy every morning and at peace with myself every night. Circumstances can make me temporarily stressed, angry or sad but in the end I choose how I want to feel. How I want to be. I choose when I want to go out dancing with my friends or when I want to spend the day with my horses. I choose when I smile, when I laugh, when I cry. I am in control and it feels fricken amazing. For the first time in my entire life I feel like I have the power to control the outcome of every situation (or how I react to it anyways.)
My outlook on life has completely changed... My outlook on myself has changed too. I am so incredibly happy. I am happy with my personality, my body, my flaws, my past, my future. Everything. Do I worry about money still? Yeah. The difference now is that money isn't something I need in excess. I haven't turned into such a hippy that I believe I don't need any because I realize it will get my a house and food and other fun things like that. However, I feel free knowing that even if I have hardly anything I will find a way to get by. I'm in control of my life. Do I still worry about not having a direct career path? Duh. Doesn't everyone though? Even if you are in school everyone has doubts. I've accepted mine and decided that I can't control my future, I can only work hard now and hopefully it pays off. If it doesn't I'm sure life will find a way to work it's self out for the better. My worries have not gone away but how I mentally deal with them has changed completely. I've FINALLY learned that the only thing in this entire world I can control are my reactions to events. I can't control the fact that my best friend was taken before her time. Or that cancer took a very influential person from my life. I can't control anything. Everyone I love could be driving together tomorrow and all die and I couldn't control it. What I can do is control my behaviour to these situations. No matter how horrible or tragic life can get we always have the option to deal with these curveballs with grace and peacfulness. I cried and screamed and thought about taking my own life when Syd passed (not exactly graceful.) I hit my lowest low but I needed that to happen so I could make some dramatic changes in my life. So I could learn that even through one of the hardest times in my life (so far anyways) I can still survive. I can still live a wonderful life filled with beauty and peace and happiness.
Recently I have been having fun. Who knew that Megan Pilon was capable of unwinding?! I've been running, baking, riding, going out dancing and even laughing with my family. I feel like I have time to get all my work done, hang out with some amazing people and still have time to talk with my parents and my baby bro. I've somehow stumbled into this perfect balance and I really hope it stays like this. I love life right now. And for those of you who know me personally, you know I don't throw the dreaded "L" word around. My parents don't even hear me say it. But if I could send a voice recording to ya'll or something like that (idk technology and I don't get along) I would be using the word "love" over and over and over again.
It's kinda scary looking back at how I used to act or carry myself because it just seems like a completely different person. I'm so happy with this change. I'm happy I can live each day without a solid schedule and just take what life has to give me. I feel peacful, positive, beautiful, prosperous, fortunate, powerful, thankful, euphoric, and just gosh darn blissful.
I hope that this blog inspires people (even just a couple) to truly enjoy the beauty in life. My posts can be sad and heavy but I try to write in a way that makes readers stop and think. To sit in the sadness and then appreciate the little things that we so easily forget about. It's okay to bask in negative emotions as long as you are learning from them. Learning to appreciate life for everything that it is and not just what we think it should be. Life will never be perfect, nor will we, but
we can all decide how we handle every situation in life. How we choose to do that will decide our happiness. And in the end, being happy is really all that matters.
So so so much love,
Megan
No comments:
Post a Comment