Positivity, Trust, and Love

As humans we are constantly faced with two options; positive and negative thoughts. Always choose positivity. No matter how tough it is. 

Trust people. If they hurt you the pain you will feel is only temporary, their pain is much deeper and longer lasting. So, trust someone even if you have no reason to. 

Love your friends, family and lovers with all your heart. If you get hurt at least you are living with no regrets, no limitations. 

Positivity, trust and love. That is how one lives a fulling life. A life full of happiness, success and bliss. 

Much Love,

Megan 

Death

These last few days have been tough for me. I have been painfully missing Sydney. I miss our silly conversations and late night FaceTime's. I miss telling her everything new and exciting in my life, or even the boring stuff that doesn't even matter. I miss planning our trip that we were going to go on in January and I miss searching for weekends where we're both available to see each other. I didn't find enough time for those. Work or riding always seemed to get in the way. That's the only regret I have about this whole devistating situation, I didn't try as hard as I could of to go see her as often as I should of. I didn't make her my top priority even though I constantly told her that she was.

Losing anyone is hard. Death is scary, confusing and life changing. No matter how you handle the loss of a loved one you're life will be forever different. Different in a good way or in a negative way, being the same is not an option. I am trying me best to handle this awful situation with grace and positivity... It doesn't always work but I think I'm pretty close. I hit my darkest point shortly after Syd passed, I sunk to a place so low, so negative I only had two ways out; end my life or get up and beat the shit out of all the negativety. My dad was basically a professional fighter and as it turns out, so am I.

Hitting that place scared me... A lot. I will never be in that place again, I know that for a fact. I learned so much about myself after that happened, I understood so much more then I did before. One of the things I figured out was death. No I don't know when or why everyone dies, but I came to an understanding that I can't control it, I can only control my reactions to loss. I had delt with death when my riding coach and second mom, Elaine, passed away. That was tough. Losing Syd was infinity times tougher. Maybe it was tougher because I was already in a negative place. Maybe because I was older. Most likely, it was because she was my "soul sista" and she knew everything about me. My good stuff and my bad stuff. She loved me anyways. It's very rare to find someone who accepts you for exactly who you are, and when you do, you hold onto them as tight as you can until death pries them out of your hands. 

Death is something we all face, it bonds people because at some point or another we will all experience loss. I have figured out my meaning and reasoning for death, that doesn't make it the right way. It's just the way that I, as an individual, have managed to cope through this. 

Losing someone is very hard to wrap your head around. Simplified, one moment a living breathing specimen is here, the next their not. Okay, seems pretty simple... Until you find yourself curled up in your baby brothers arms after collapsing on the cold floor. In that moment, nothing is simple. Emotions are spinning out of control (something I am not used to.) Typically my emotions are exactly what I want them to be and when. Through this I was forced to accept being out of control; I resisted at first but now I'm accepting it. I'm accepting the fact that I cannot control death. I do not decided when my loved ones who are still here supporting me and making me smile leave me. I cannot choose who stays and who goes. When they go... How they go. I understand I am out of control of making that decision. More importantly then that, I understand I AM in control of how I react to such situations. I choose to be happy every day. Not because I never know when my time is up, instead I am happy every day because smiling and laughing with people I care about sounds a million times better then moping around feeling sorry for myself. I have my moments of sadness or anger but they are sparsely spread amongst moments of pure joy and peace. 

Coming to the realization of what we can control and what we can't is life changing. I get embarrassed thinking about how I innitionally handled the situation. I am so much stronger then that, but it took me getting to that point to truly believe that. I am a very strong person. That doesn't mean my life is easy and I am happy all the time with zero effort. It means my life has had some bad stuff in it and I choose every single fricken day that I will be happy no matter what happens. That is what being strong is all about. Facing your sadness head on, accepting it, then deciding that no matter how bad the situation you will be truly happy for no reason other then you deserve to be. Every single person still on this earth deserves happiness. It doesn't matter what you did in the past, if you were a drug dealer, a murderer or even a rapest, if you change your ways you have a gosh darn right to be happy. And the only person who can take that right away from you is you.... So don't. Okay? Happiness truly is one of the only things in this life we have total control over so never give that up. Never forget the good things. Never, ever, be overgrown by darkness because it will show you no mercy. Instead, see the beauty life has to offer. See the green grass and perfectly clouded sky and be happy that you were giving the oppertunity to whitness such simple attractions. 

Much Love,

Megan

Banana

I'm 20. I don't have a life plan, a career plan or even a day to day plan. What I do have is an outlook on life that can't be broken. Maybe it can bend for the better, very rarely it bends for the worse... I stay true to my values. I'm fairly strong willed. I don't take shit from anyone and I don't let anyone change my mind when it comes to my values.

*Quick side note*

To me, values are something we all as individuals need to figure out for ourselves. Once we have our core set of values they cannot be changed (unless by dramatic life events.) We can pretend to change them but life will always knock us back into a place where we have to be true to ourselves again. Life can be so annoying that way. So, just stay true to yourself and you will find the path you are supposed to be on. 

Okay, back to me being strong willed. This isn't something that I have ever had a hard time doing. It comes naturally for me to stick to behaviours that are important to me. All through highschool I never gave into any sort of peer pressure, I never drank, I never partied, I never did drugs. It all seemed so silly to me. So I just didn't do it. Highschool can be a tough place for some people, it's easy to get lost. You're trying to figure out your own values, maybe rebelling against your parents, and you have kids telling you what you should do or what you should believe. It can be a mad house but I managed to stay true to me through it all.

My values haven't changed much since highschool but I have added some. Honesty is something I have always demanded from my close circle of people, that has grown even more this past year. Something that has changed dramatically since I've graduated is my outlook on life... Particularly since Syd's passing. I now realize there is a huge difference between making a life and making a living. Some people make themselves a life and a living, some make one or the other, and some very lucky individuals have manged to make them the same thing. I think (in my limited life experience) that the way to have your life and living be the same thing is through your passion. I also think that some individuals want to have them seperate. No one has the same life goals, so why would everyone want to have their passion also be their career? I know I want mine to be but that doesn't make it the "right" way. It's just my way. 

I mention quite a bit that people need to spend more time alone. I think this is just another reason why it has benefited me. This is one of the things I ponder in silence, it's one of the things that I have learned about myself. Yesterday I didn't even realize there was a difference but now, just sitting outside alone, I have grown in the last 20 min. I have grown to realized not only that there is a difference but which one I want out of my life.

Self growth is something I never gave much thought to in the past. Recently however, I have become slightly obsessed with it. Maybe that makes me a weirdo but I don't care because I am comfortable with who I am. Even the parts of me that aren't understood by everyone. 

There isn't a huge lesson that goes along with this post. It's just random thoughts that are currently dancing across my mind. Which is making it really hard to think of a title for this post. I think I'll just call it Banana or something random.

Much Love,

Megan and her wondering mind  

People and Peace

Sitting along the river bank alone surround by a comfortable amount of people I'm thinking about how much I don't know. All of these individuals have lives and loved ones. They have passions and stressors. They have all seen great happiness and great sadness. I'm curious about these people and curious about their stories... Their scars.

I'm sitting in peace. Happy with myself and where I am in life, but are they? Are they here on a forced date night or reluctantly being dragged by their annoying kids out of their homes? Are all of these beautiful strangers happy? I hope so. Even though I don't know these people I want them to feel peace and happiness. I don't know why I have such a strong feeling towards others happiness but I do. I feel a sense of responsibility to help them smile even for half of a second. 

I have been in very low places in my life. Lower then any other person? Maybe, maybe not. I have been in a place mentally and emotionally that scared me, a place I hope to never visit again. Maybe being scared by so much darkness is giving me a drive to help others stay away from such a horrible place. Or maybe, just like the Maybelline girls, I was born with it. Either way, I think I am starting to discover another new thing about myself. Maybe it will lead to a career choice one day or maybe it will just be a silent fact about myself. 

Life can be crazy and confusing. We spend so much time with friends and family, so much time getting to know new people but I don't think most of us spend enough time getting to know ourselves. I truly believe that the ability to sit alone with our own thoughts is one of the strongest things a person can do. I have been getting to know myself a lot this past little bit. I'm learning I have a ton of weaknesses but I also have a ton of strengths. I'm starting to realize I'm actually a pretty cool person... It's an amazing feeling being friends with myself. 

I would find so much joy in helping other people find this peace. Even if I influence a few people in my life time I think that would be an amazing accomplishment. Along with that, I would love to meet more people who have a better understanding of this kind of peace. I want to learn more about the lives of other humans, of other culters. I am going to fill my mind with so much information on this subject.  

Much Love,

Megan

Passion

Passion. A word that means so much to me. I want my life to be filled with passion... Passion in my work, my family, daily activities. Everything. Nothing is more attractive then someone who has a passion for life. I love to connect with people who have a passion that drives them to be successful. It doesn't matter if I have ever heard of the sport or activity before, I can talk about it and listen... Just feed off of the spark in their eye. 

I have a new found burning passion for life. I love to run and ride and go on long walks. I love to talk to new people and hear about their life experiences. 

 

I get down sometimes, I lose sight in what's really important and I get sad thinking about past memories. I think everyone does. I also think that's okay. We all have emotions, all of them are good. When we feel sad or angry we should accept those feelings and try to understand why we are feeling this way, it will teach you something about yourself you probably didn't know. Whenever I feel down I go for a walk or a run and I try to figure out why I'm feeling this way. I push myself to figure out the root of my emotion. Every time I do this I learn something new. It's so incredibly hard some days to not get stuck in the sadness so I immerse myself deep into it, then when I figure out the meaning of the emotion I pull myself out. I smile and think about all the good things in my life. I think about my passions.

I have made a complete lifestyle change these past few months and I couldn't be happier. I have learned so much about myself and it's bringing positive people into my life. I have an amazing group if people that I'm close with. Amazing people filled with fire, passion and amazing outlooks on life. I've kinda turned into a hippie... Except I still shower and shave. I think great happiness comes out of great sadness if we choose to look for it. But then again, I guess we are all capable of pure joy if we choose to find it. 

Life is an adventure and we don't know when we've reached out destination point. Maybe we'll never reach it. Maybe the whole point of life is that there isn't any. Wouldn't that be wonderful? I try to live with a mindset that there is no point to life, but not in a negative way. There is no point to life, so do what makes you happy, what makes other people happy and more then anything else do something you're passionate about. 

Much Love,

Megan 

Best Friends

I'm lucky to have two best friends, Sydney and Jordan. These two girls share all of my embarrassing, awkward, hilarious and favorite memories... I don't know who I would be without them. I read a statistic that stated you become like the five people you spend the most time with; I'm proud to be even slightly like these girls. 

I can't physically spend time with Sydney but I feel so close to her when I ride her pony, Fonzy, or when I see her beauty in everyday things. Since Syd's passing I have grown and changed so much for the better and she has everything to do with that. Even without her here she is still teaching me to be a better person. 

I have written so many posts about Sydney so I want this one to have a stronger focus on my best friend who's laugh I can still hear. Jordan is a vibrant, joyful, passionate, stubborn, beautiful and empathetic. Her presence alone brings me a sence of peace and completeness. 

Jordan and I have been friends for a few years now but I feel like she has been by my side my whole life. The Fiala's treat me like one of their own and make me feel like a part of their awesome family. Spending time talking with her family around a campfire or eating pie on the patio are a few memories I will never forget. Jordan, along with her family, help me feel comfortable in my own skin. And they make me laugh harder then I ever have before... Mostly when Jocie is giving someone sass. 

Jordan has a little sass of her own. She stays true to her values and beliefs, if you dare cross them you will recieve her wrath. I'm happy we have very similar views on life otherwise our friendship wouldn't be the same. Partly because we wouldn't feel so comfortable around each other and partly because I might just be scared of her. Jokes. Kinda. 

There is no point in me even trying to share some of the memories we share together because I wouldn't be able to give them justice. I'm new to this writing thing and I know I don't have the ability to give you guys a proper glimps into my memories with this girl. She makes me happier then I have ever been and that's all that matters. 

We get mistaken for twins on the daily and I freaken love it. When people think you're related to a girl with a drop dead perfect body you take that compliment and you don't ever forget it. Ever. If I am ever having a bad day I think about the multiple times people think we look the same and I'm instantly in a better mood. If only people knew how similar we were on the inside too, only then would they know for sure that we truly are long lost sisters. 

Jordan is my soul mate only in best friend form. She will be in my life until the day I die. I can't wait to see what crazy things we share together... I can't wait to work on my writing skills and in 60-70 years write about my memories with her. I'm sure they will be filled with lots of laughter. I aspire to be more like her every day. I crave her fire and passion. I love her inside and out. 

Much love,

Megan