What the heck is that even? Unconditional love I mean. Is it possible to fully, unconditionally love someone? something? Let's break this down a little more.
Unconditional. Without a doubt, unrestricted, full, genuine, unlimited, flat out, through going, unquestionable, clear, certian. Hold your ponies people, those are some serious words I just threw out. I mean come on.
Love. No synonyms come to mind.
When we combine these two very strong minded words, we get a very intense reaction. We get perfection. Is perfection even possible though? Doesn't seem like it… not in my life anyways. I strive for perfection every day and I have yet to actually achieve it. So maybe this means that unconditional love isn't plausible. I hope it isn't.
I don't want unconditional love. I would abuse it. We all would so stop those snarky comments in your head right now. I want messy. I want the type of love that's universal. I want crazy love. Messy love. Passionate love. Angry love. Sad love. Whole love. I want the type of love where you freak out and worry about the stupidest things, when your partner does the same. I want the type of love that makes you turn into a crazy person. The type of love that makes you question everything you are, who you want to be. Fill me with love that has no rules, no guidelines. Break all the rules in the book for me. Say you love me after three weeks because you know you feel it and don't give a crap if the allotted time is four months. Tell me I'm pretty with no make up and in a baggy sweater. Come visit my friends cross with me and let me cry on your shoulder. Wake up with me at three in the morning then drive home, just so we can fake a sleep over. Let me freak out and worry about the made up situations in my head then remind me, politely, that i'm just going mental. Cover me with love so strong, so flawed, so unique, so honest, so rich that I don't need it from anyone else.
I don't need some fancy adjective to go in front of my kind of love. I just need love. That word can stand tall all on its own. So give me that. I need love that is unexampled. Completely and utterly our own. That's all I need. I don't need unconditional, I need ours. I need our flawed and fabulous love. Perfect love, naw. Just show up in any mood, with all the baggage from the day, all the tiredness, or all the bad news. Honestly, I just need you in any form and I will feel and give out love.
That's how you love. That's how to overflow with joy every morning and every night. There is no "How To Love For Dummies" book or a rule book you receive when you turn 16. You just make mistakes, you stumble and you break and someone comes along and puts your pieces back together. Or maybe you fix your own pieces and someone sends a "wife me" message out of the blue that is going to turn into a reality one day. Whatever it is, love is love. So embrace yourself, love yourself. Love everyone that comes into your life. Get hurt. Break. Learn. There is no other way, there is no right or wrong way so just love naturally, genuinely, and you'll find it. You'll find your *insert you perfect adjective here* love, and then it won't matter if it's unconditional, or perfect, it will just be your own. And let me tell you this, it will be exactly like those cheese love stories you pretend to hate.
Much Love,
Megan
Wednesday 26 November 2014
Friday 14 November 2014
Being Human
It's beautiful isn't it? It's the only thing that we can choose exactly what we share with people, what we think, dream, wish or ponder about. It's the only thing on this entire plant that doesn't have a limit... Except for those bendy lines on graphs that I was supposed to learn about in highschool math but didn't seem to stick.
It's the only thing where we have complete privacy, complete control and complete freedom all at once. Our minds give us an emance amount of power and most of us don't even realize it. Or maybe we forget. We forget that we're allowed to think about whatever we desire with no judgment from others. We can dream about our most far fetched aspirations. We can slip away from reality and get lost in our own little world. Magical.
Sometimes I find myself being so negative… thinking about negative situations or feelings and then letting my mind spiral out of control. Why would I allow myself to do this? I could choose to think about all the wonderful things life has to bring me or dream away all the negativity we all find ourselves surrounded by. Instead I can't seem to shake my thoughts some days. Which is so silly considering I am the only one who dictates what goes on under all my blond hair. It frustrates me when I feel I am trying so hard to be positive yet, when I am the only one responsible for my own thoughts, I am failing some days.
We all have an infinite amount of things to think about in our lifetime. We can seriously think about anything… anything that has ever been or ever will be. We have no reason to be bored when we have such an amazing gift. Our imaginations are more colourful then any computer, TV, or cell phone. All three of those things are just objects that someone spent one single thought on to create. Think of how many more cool creations the world would have if we all spent just an hour a day thinking about something new and exciting instead of numbingly scrolling through our news feeds like a bunch of mindless robots programmed to sift through piles of unimportant crap. Think about how happier people would be if they spent a little more time lost in their own world filled with whatever they desire rather then seeing Kim Kardashian's oiled up, photoshopped butt all over the place. I know I'm getting a little sick of comparing my flat, half white girl half native butt to hers.
I'm ready to get lost in my own little world filled with unicorns and peanut butter fountains… even more then that though… I'm ready to start talking to people who spend time alone, they are the happy people with new perspectives of life. They are the people who have something new to share. They are the people I want to be more alike… They are the people who truly rich because nothing has a higher price tag then a well mind.
Much Love
Megan
Sometimes I find myself being so negative… thinking about negative situations or feelings and then letting my mind spiral out of control. Why would I allow myself to do this? I could choose to think about all the wonderful things life has to bring me or dream away all the negativity we all find ourselves surrounded by. Instead I can't seem to shake my thoughts some days. Which is so silly considering I am the only one who dictates what goes on under all my blond hair. It frustrates me when I feel I am trying so hard to be positive yet, when I am the only one responsible for my own thoughts, I am failing some days.
We all have an infinite amount of things to think about in our lifetime. We can seriously think about anything… anything that has ever been or ever will be. We have no reason to be bored when we have such an amazing gift. Our imaginations are more colourful then any computer, TV, or cell phone. All three of those things are just objects that someone spent one single thought on to create. Think of how many more cool creations the world would have if we all spent just an hour a day thinking about something new and exciting instead of numbingly scrolling through our news feeds like a bunch of mindless robots programmed to sift through piles of unimportant crap. Think about how happier people would be if they spent a little more time lost in their own world filled with whatever they desire rather then seeing Kim Kardashian's oiled up, photoshopped butt all over the place. I know I'm getting a little sick of comparing my flat, half white girl half native butt to hers.
I'm ready to get lost in my own little world filled with unicorns and peanut butter fountains… even more then that though… I'm ready to start talking to people who spend time alone, they are the happy people with new perspectives of life. They are the people who have something new to share. They are the people I want to be more alike… They are the people who truly rich because nothing has a higher price tag then a well mind.
Much Love
Megan
Thursday 6 November 2014
Our Word.
Words. We are all a word. Our word can be passion, strength, courage, determination. Or maybe your word is brat, alcoholic, spoiled... Asshole. We all have a word. Finding that word, or finding a word we want to become, finding a word that's exactly who we are is tough. What's even harder then finding a word though is knowing our word, and not being proud of it. Despising who we are at the very core, that's a tragedy.
I don't know what my word is right now. I'm a girlfriend, daughter, sister, friend, rider, writer, runner (when my knees don't suck), employee, co-worker, teacher, listener, talker, rap lover, amazing dancer (liar), the point is, I'm a lot of things. None of these things are my word though. I strive for my word to be quaintrelle… "A women who emphasizes a life of passion expressed through personal style, leisurely past times, charm, and cultivation of lives pleasures." Or meraki "to do something with soul, creativity, or love; to put something of yourself into your work." I strive for these words but right now I am not these words. I hope that one day my word will be one of these ones. Right now my word is tenacious "holding together; cohesive; not easily pulled asunder; tough."
I give myself this word because I don't break easily. Do I get rattled easily? Yeah, 100%. But break? Not me. It takes a lot to truly break me… thinking back on it I have only been broken twice. Both times were at the loss of someone close to me. It's okay to break though… we will all break a few times in our life so we must learn to break and then rebuild. Then break and rebuild again, and again, and again. That's life. It's not fair but it is what it is. Every breath we suck in is a gift and every time we break we are gifted with the opportunity to rebuild. To start fresh.
We all share that word, gift. Every life is a beautiful gift that we must appreciate. We must learn to love everyone for everything that they are because there is no person exactly like them, no two people share the exact same words. We cannot lose someone and then replace them with other. Just the same, we cannot find two people who's words perfectly balance out our words.
I like that. I like that I am irreplaceable in that sense.
Much Love,
Megan
Lost.
I find my self lost. Lost in the mind numbing day to day activities. Lost in the desire for a fuller bank account. Lost in the deep need for dark coffee of which I cannot have. Lost in the emotions that the sixth of every month brings… overwhelmed by the tragedy that took place seven months ago.
I like to get lost though… I'm actually quite good at it. I get lost in my wild, unruly thoughts, on my rides on my two beautiful horses, with my boyfriend and best friend who is still here. I get lost in the things I love. The fact that I feel like I am in the middle of a dark room with no glimmer of light today makes me feel lost… lost for a love I once shared with my best friend. It's good to be lost… when we lose ourselves we have no choice but to find ourselves again. What an adventure that is.
How lucky are we all that each and every day we wake up we have the option to decide who we are going to be that day. We can choose our emotions, our feelings, our behaviours. Even more then that, we decide how we are going to make others feel around us. That's a gift we all overlook. Lots of times it's a gift that we chose to not give out. Why wouldn't you smile at the person who opened the door for you? Or why wouldn't you let that person in on your drive home from work? Will one car in front of you make all the difference to whether you get home late or not? Doubt it. Yet, we get lost in the aggression and stress of the day. We take our own personal problems out on innocent people who have no control over the fact that your family is making you feel bad that day or that work didn't go as you had planned it to when you woke up that morning. We are in control.
We all have these beautiful bodies with warm blood pulsing through it like the beat of our favourite songs… but still… we forget. We forget that we all have an end date. No one on this entire planet knows when our time is up. Maybe my car will burst into flames on my way to Brodie's house tonight… Which is so possible because I drive a Kia. Or maybe my brothers team bus will crash this winter. Maybe the entire earth will come crashing down tonight at midnight. We don't really know the outcome of anything. Obviously the best thing to do in that situation is to ignore it and get lost in mundane activities and take our stress out on others instead of dealing with it.
I deal with it.
I knew the moment I woke up that today would be tough for me. So I spent a little extra time with my boys and a little less time at home where I knew I would over think. Then I started to write. I deal with my emotions in a very taxing way, but I would take that over ignoring them like I used to any day. I sit and I think. I don't control my thoughts or me feelings. I let them come and I accept them for what they are. It's not fun. I don't enjoy it. I know if I don't do it my mind will go back to a dark place though so I do it. I do what I have to in order to stay pure, to maintain a rich mind. I do it because I know what will happen if I don't. I get lost in myself and find myself every day. I give myself the greatest gift of all every morning, I allow myself to start new. I don't have to think the same things I did as the previous day or do the same things. I pick out my emotions for the day when I pick out my clothes.
Lost. The most beautiful, tragic word. To be lost in love, to be lost without love.
Lost love is a tragedy. To be lost and in love… that's the greatest feeling of all.
I lost Sydney. The world lost Sydney. She was one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen. She was everything I have ever needed in a friend, in a "Soul Sista." I am trying to accept that what I have to learn from this will outweigh the pain. I know this is not true. But on a day like today I choose to believe my little lie to myself. I am protecting myself from the pain that today brings. I decided that today will be an amazing day even if she still isn't here. I am choosing to believe, just for the day, that Sydney will come back from her painfully long vacation because I need that false sense of hope today. I need a little nightlight off in the corner of my dark room.
Much Love,
Megan
I like to get lost though… I'm actually quite good at it. I get lost in my wild, unruly thoughts, on my rides on my two beautiful horses, with my boyfriend and best friend who is still here. I get lost in the things I love. The fact that I feel like I am in the middle of a dark room with no glimmer of light today makes me feel lost… lost for a love I once shared with my best friend. It's good to be lost… when we lose ourselves we have no choice but to find ourselves again. What an adventure that is.
How lucky are we all that each and every day we wake up we have the option to decide who we are going to be that day. We can choose our emotions, our feelings, our behaviours. Even more then that, we decide how we are going to make others feel around us. That's a gift we all overlook. Lots of times it's a gift that we chose to not give out. Why wouldn't you smile at the person who opened the door for you? Or why wouldn't you let that person in on your drive home from work? Will one car in front of you make all the difference to whether you get home late or not? Doubt it. Yet, we get lost in the aggression and stress of the day. We take our own personal problems out on innocent people who have no control over the fact that your family is making you feel bad that day or that work didn't go as you had planned it to when you woke up that morning. We are in control.
We all have these beautiful bodies with warm blood pulsing through it like the beat of our favourite songs… but still… we forget. We forget that we all have an end date. No one on this entire planet knows when our time is up. Maybe my car will burst into flames on my way to Brodie's house tonight… Which is so possible because I drive a Kia. Or maybe my brothers team bus will crash this winter. Maybe the entire earth will come crashing down tonight at midnight. We don't really know the outcome of anything. Obviously the best thing to do in that situation is to ignore it and get lost in mundane activities and take our stress out on others instead of dealing with it.
I deal with it.
I knew the moment I woke up that today would be tough for me. So I spent a little extra time with my boys and a little less time at home where I knew I would over think. Then I started to write. I deal with my emotions in a very taxing way, but I would take that over ignoring them like I used to any day. I sit and I think. I don't control my thoughts or me feelings. I let them come and I accept them for what they are. It's not fun. I don't enjoy it. I know if I don't do it my mind will go back to a dark place though so I do it. I do what I have to in order to stay pure, to maintain a rich mind. I do it because I know what will happen if I don't. I get lost in myself and find myself every day. I give myself the greatest gift of all every morning, I allow myself to start new. I don't have to think the same things I did as the previous day or do the same things. I pick out my emotions for the day when I pick out my clothes.
Lost. The most beautiful, tragic word. To be lost in love, to be lost without love.
Lost love is a tragedy. To be lost and in love… that's the greatest feeling of all.
I lost Sydney. The world lost Sydney. She was one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen. She was everything I have ever needed in a friend, in a "Soul Sista." I am trying to accept that what I have to learn from this will outweigh the pain. I know this is not true. But on a day like today I choose to believe my little lie to myself. I am protecting myself from the pain that today brings. I decided that today will be an amazing day even if she still isn't here. I am choosing to believe, just for the day, that Sydney will come back from her painfully long vacation because I need that false sense of hope today. I need a little nightlight off in the corner of my dark room.
Much Love,
Megan
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