You are greatly underappreciated. Horribly undervalued. Overwhelmingly overlooked. I forget that you are not just my mother but I must also share you with Baby G and Kole. I forget that dad can be the neediest out of all of us (sorry Dad.) I forget that you have your own life to live as well.
I get moody when it seems you are always going out of your way to watch G play and the times you now venture into the cold, stinky, barn with me have become fewer and fewer over the course of the past year. I guess part of me feels like I am slowly losing everyone in our family. Garrett will be living away from home soon, Kole will only be with us for a few more short months, you and dad will be starting a new chapter out in BC around the same time Brodie and I can afford our own home and all of this scares me.
Just recently I have starting truly getting to know you and dad. Even more recent then that, I have come to realize that with you, dad and G heading west, I will be here all alone. There will come a day when your visits to the barn are maybe once a year… even worse, I dread the days when I will only get to see you once a year. I am excited for the future but still feeling extremely overwhelmed at the idea of having to charge into this new adventure without you by my side. Without you as my safety blanket who will give me those random hugs that result in me stiffening up, who will annoy the crap out of me when I am in a pissy mood from work or a bad ride, who well yell at G “GET YOUR SISTER A DRINK” and who will be there when my life gets all messy again?
There comes a time in every mother/daughter relationship where one loses the other. Whether that be by distance or death, I dread the day that happens to us.
Losing my family is something I never thought would bother me much. Up until Sydney passed away I was an emotionless body set on cruise control. Now the thought of Garrett not being across the hall from me makes me sick. I joke about going with him to BC but in all honesty, I would move away with him in a heartbeat. I don’t know how you and dad managed to not only make the most perfect daughter in the world but also giving her the best little brother anyone could ask for is the best gift you have ever given me… and I have two perfect horses G is competing with so that says a lot.
I guess I am writing this publically because you deserve to have everyone see just how wonderful of a mother and person you are. Thank you for teaching me to not be so independent, how to stand up for myself in a dignified manner, and most importantly thank you from the bottom of my heart for keeping this family together. You truly are the glue through the difficult times we have all faced. I could never thank you enough for that.
Much Love,
Megan
