Is that statement true? I don't know... Here is what I do know. I have a major issue with lying, there are a few reasons why I think I have this obsessive need to know the truth, no matter how tough it is to hear, but it doesn't really matter why I am like this. It matters that I am like this and it's not really fair.
I ask a question and I want to know the honest answer, I don't always like the honest answer, but it's always better then catching someone in a lie. Here is how this isn't fair... Although when someone lies to me I completely lose my mind and get covered with a red, firey rage, I might not be my typically happy go lucky self when hearing the truth either. But how should I be expected to be? I mean, the truth can hurt. Everyone knows that but at the end of the day, being lied to hurts more.
I am not always a fair person. I try to be but I have a major problem with comparing myself to other girls and that affects my judgment. I realize that this is completely ridiculous and I should have the confidence in myself to truly believe I am capable of love. However, there seems to be this little voice in my head that drives me to want to be the best... At everything. I want to be the best at stuff I have never even tried. I want to be the best at stuff that is physically not even possible. I want to have the best body parts, the best mind, the best work ethic, the best (most) control of my emotions... Which is totally ironic because by me wanting to be better then ever single person that has ever lived makes me crazy, and pulls my emotions out of check. There is no way for me to win it seems. No way for me to be the best in everything that has ever been. Typing that out makes it sound ridiculous but even after wording it like that, I still want it.
This disease will ruin all of my relationships. I have it in my head that if I am the best, at everything, I will never get hurt. I will never get cheated on. I will never be lied to because... Well... I would be the best. Makes sense right? I really hope I am not the only one who thinks this a completely logical thing to strive for. Yes, never achievable, but something to work towards. Something that, if I get close, will prevent me from any sort of pain or suffering.
When I think it out and let my mind wonder I realize the logical way to behave in a manner that is natural to me. This manner will attract others with similar behaviours, thus, finding long lasting friendships and relationships built on similar interest, goals and general ways of being. Yet, I also find my mind taking me on a long journey filled with the frustration of never being perfect.
I don't know what I want. Do I want the truth? Yes. Do I always like the honest answer? No. Does the honest answer hurt my feelings, my ego, and my confidence sometimes? You bet it does. There is no way for my loved ones to win with me, I get that. I get that both outcomes don't have me laughing the second the honesty comes out but when someone is honest you get mad at the situation, the comment, the reaction, never mad at the person directly. Being lied to... Well then you can bet 10/10 times I will be mad at that person. See the difference? That is why we should be honest. I will guarentee to all of my friends that being honest with me will not make me mad at you... Lying to me will. Every single time. This doesn't mean that we can treat others like crap, tell them about it, and expect them not to get mad. Because I will do that too. But I can promise you that I will be mad at the circumstance, not the person.
In my mind, this is a respecable and reasonable way to act. If any of my readers can find me a person who can take the honest truth, that cuts into everything you are self concious about, and smile at the fact you were told the truth, I will buy you a pizza and call you a liar. We all get hurt. We all have things we worry about and, whether we admit it or not, the truth can hurt. I choose to be honest and open with my emotions, so if something hurts me I don't hide it... Unless it's regarding my parents. For some reason I can't seem to tell them when I'm bothered until I get to the point of explosion.
I am a human being though. I am not perfect no matter how hard I try to be. I will never have a brilliant mind, a perfect body, or emotions in check 100% of time time. But I can promise all of you that I will be honest and open about what I am feeling. It will never be a secret when I feel self concious or hurt. That is something I know I have perfected... That is something I am proud of perfecting because it has brought amazing people into my life...
Relationships with all of our loved ones can be so hard though. We only ever want to see our best friends smiling yet we must hurt them with the truth sometimes. So, when we must break someone down that we care about, I advise all of you to make sure you are there to pick them back up, apply glue where needed, and forgive them for needing an extra crutch for a little bit. It doesn't matter if you have had no control of the situation that caused the pain, be there to help them get over it. Be there to tell them life will be more then okay (for the millionth time) and don't get annoyed when they get hurt about the same stuff. The best way to make me feel imperfect is to hurt me (intentional or not) then leave me on the ground to pick myself back up.
So be honest. Be brutally honest and bring tears to your loved ones eyes. It doesn't matter. They will always forgive you as long and you are there to give their confidence a boost back up.
Much Love,
Megan
