Our Destiny.

Our destiny. Something everyone is searching for. Whether that be what we are destined to do, who we are destined to be with, when we are destined to accomplish these things, how will we find the strength or the drive. How can we possibly find the time or the patience or the determination or the mental strength to push past all of our feared limitations that we set up in our minds? How can I, as one soul, one physical body, one mind be capable of such a powerful, important, unique destiny? 

We are bonded together by these questions, by these aspirations, yet driven apart by the same. We are all hoping or dreaming for more but few of us are searching for more. Few of us are looking for every oppertunity to succeed. Even fewer of us are creating our own oppertunities for success which is fine. I encourage you all to quit looking. To quit trying. To quit seeing failures as a chance for a new begining or to halt your dreams to put useless tasks higher up on your priorities list. I encourage every single one of my readers to quit. But I don't have to do or say any of that do I? Simply because you already have. 

How many of you are satisfied? How many of you complain that you want more out of life or a different life in general? All of you? Now how many people are working every second of every single day to change that? To reach their wildest dream or far fetched goal? Not many, if any. 

I pitty you. 

We are all gifted with endless oppertunities every single day to make a change but the majority of us refuse to see them, refuse to look for them... Or worse, turn the other way. But why is this? Why do we crave more yet are too lazy to go out and get more, too lazy to satisfy our wants. When it all breaks down, the purest answer I can give is the last word in the previous sentince. Wants. That's all they are is wants. 

That's not good enough. Not for me anyways. 

I don't want a career or people that are good for me. I need them. 

Need. 

That's powerful. That's a word with some sass, some determination and some strength. That's a word that gets shit done. When you need something you go out and get it no matter what obstacles are in your way nothing can stop you from getting what you need. Lots can stop you from reaching what you want. Want is weak. I don't need weakness in my life. I need a career that I am passionate about, I definitely don't want a career I'm passionate about. See the difference? I don't want people that inspire me or make me beam with happiness, I need them. I need these people in my life and I need to keep them by my side. I don't want anything I just need everything. 

Life is uncontrollable and scary and pointless, but only if you want it to be that way. I say no. I say that my life is in my control. I don't choose when it ends but I choose how I live it. I am not scared of what could happen I am I am soothed by the idea of endless possibilities. My life is not pointless, I thought at one point it was but now I see the truth. I see that maybe I won't touch millions of lives with my thoughts but in no way does that make me less than a life. I am one person who will accomplish everything I need to do in this lifetime simply because I need to do it. I will only live a pointless life if I say I want to do things.  I will only live a pointless life if I live in fear of failure. 

Failure in inevitable. If you live a life filled with so much caution that you never fail, well then you fail by default. 

I will not fail. I will not want. I will not be lazy. 

I will succeed simply because I need to. I need to fulfil my own definition of success and nothing will stop me. Nothing will get in my way permenently. Everything I have ever dreamed of is within reach right at this very moment, I just need to decide if I want it or if I need it.

My life will make me feel full. I will be full of love (that I give and recieve), full of passion, full of honesty, full of failure, full of oppertunity and full of needs. My life will be everything I have ever dreamed of, everything I will ever dream up in the future will all just be one simple need away. 

I don't want anything, I just need everything. 

Much Love,

Megan

 

Summer is by far my favorite time of year. There is no better feeling then when you can feel the air sticking to your skin. I love the heat. I love summer. 

The end of summer is one of my least enjoyed times of year. It's and end... I don't like endings. The days are getting shorter, the air cooler, friends are moving away, new responsibilities are arising and the dark winter is slowly sneaking up on us like a black cat hunting prey. I'm not ready to start a new job or have my best friend leave me... Especially when I hardly got to see her this summer. 

This summer brought many changes for me. I lost my very best friend, my other half. I grew into a more positive person. I learned stuff about myself I didn't take the time to know before and I met an amazing guy. I started to write. I got back into running. I got a new horse. Big things have happened. Life changing this have happened. I'm just settling down into this new routine and I'm not ready for it to change again. 

Life doesn't work like that though. You think you know what you want, or what you need, and life just goes ahead and changes all those plans for you. I'm leaning to embrace change, to welcome it, but it can be hard. I like being comfortable and in these last few months I have hardly had a chance to fall into a comfortable routine. I guess I need to just ride the wave and work on controlling my attitude in situations and not controlling the situation. 

Attitude really is everything in life. I have learned we truly do not have control over what happens in the next five minutes of our existence... Or even if we will in fact still exist in five minutes. However, we do have total control of our attitudes. It's just hard work to maintain a positive outlook and some people are lazy.

This blog has no point, I was just going crazy riding the stationary bike in our shop and needed something to do. My knees weren't up for a run tonight. 

Much Love,

Megan 

Different Emotions I Guess

After a successful day at the horse show I lay in bed in nothing but a small towel and Roscoe covering up my feet. I feel exhausted, happy, sad, peacful, alone, loved, some grief and a tad dehydrated. A lot of different emotions I guess. 

I'm exhausted because I was in the heat all day in an annoying amount if clothes. 

I'm happy because Max tried so hard for me today. We both made some mistakes but for his first show (and first time jumping more then three fences in a row) we're doing pretty good.    

I'm sad because it's hard seeing so many familiar faces around the barn but not seeing Syd's. This weekend has been a tough one for me in regards to her. 

I'm peacful because Roscoe is quietly snoring and keeping my feet warm. Not too much can bring me as much peace... As much stillness, as my puppy can. 

I'm alone because I miss my Sydney. No other reason. 

I'm loved because I had a lot of my people come out to watch me ride today. That makes me happy. They all make me happy. I'm so lucky that I have such an amazing group supporting me. 

Greif.... That's Syd again. 

Dehydrated? Obviously I didn't drink enough water. 

A lot of emotions are pulsing through my body and mind right now. I don't think I will be able to organize them for this posting unfortunatly. It's been a weekend I'll always remember. Not only because it's Max's (and kinda Fonzy's) first show but also because I now realzed how important my barn people are to me. How much each and every one of them make up this weekend and fill it with memories. It's a special feeling knowing that we're all striving for success this show but we can all support each other at the same time. I think that's because we all have a different definition of what a successful weekend will look like. 

I don't have anything else to say right now, just had the ich to write something down. 

Much Love,

Megan

Horse Shows

A year ago at this time I had my little baby, Joey, at his first show. My stall buddy was Syd with her giant pony, Piper. We ate so much fricken junk food we were both riding with sore stomachs. It was the only show we did last summer so we were going to make the best of it.... Obviously. 

Being at the show this year without her is giving me an empty feeling. I miss having her making me laugh everytime I get stressed or forcing me to keep eating long after I reached my limit. I find everyday I have something I want to tell her, getting ready for a show alone is giving me an ich to call her and tell her everything that's on my mind. I miss her. I find myself sitting alone watching the low hunter decisions and wondering how all these people seem to be so stressed about their horses not being perfect when all I can think about is my best friend. Obviously, I want to do well this weekend on Max but I find I am not stressing about anything. I have my tack and my show clothes, everything else will be fine. If Max loses his brain I'll live... Partly because I'm used to him forgetting it in his stall most days. It's funny to think that a year ago I was so stressed that my braids weren't perfect and that Joey had a massive poop stain in his side that wouldn't come out no matter how much I scrubbed it. Maybe I'm less stressed because this is my first show in 10 years without a grey to clean. More likely it's because if I have learned anything these past four months it's that life is bitterly short. It's too short but I guess that gives it value. The more rare an item the higher the price... The higher the value. Truly living is a rare thing.

Even though I can't shake the empty feeling in my chest or I can't seem to hold my tears back this weekend I also feel extremely thankful that I am alive to feel these emotions. Because even with these low feelings I am also happy that Max has been amazing these past few jump lessons. I wish I could be jumping big fences right now with him but I am thankful I am here showing, even if it's only a few little hunter courses. My goal this show is to keep him relaxed and get around the courses smoothly. Nothing else matters to me other then giving him a good first show experience. 

I'll be hacking Fonzy around the show this weekend too. I broke down on him yesterday. Feeling guilty that my horse and I are showing and Syd's horse is here but she doesn't get to oppertunity to ride him got to me. I don't know how I got so lucky to be trusted with her baby, I can't thank her loved ones enough for trusting me with him. 

I hope that everyone here at Mid Summer has a stress free show. We are all gifted with amazing, wild creatures. The fact that they trust us to sit upon their backs should be enough to smile about. I hope that everyone can remember that all the hard work we put in every day is deserving of a red ribbon, even if you don't get one this weekend. We ride to feel free, to fly, no validation is needed for that feeling. 

Much Love,

Megan

Being Emotional

Emotions in their purest form are very rare... Which is something I would be very interested in seeing change. The authentic emotions in themselves are conventional; truly seeing these emotions for what they are is quite diluted. The entire human population, although very similar, has a hard time relating to one another as individuals. This is why we choose to keep a petite circle of people close to our hearts. Only a handful of people out of the billions who occupy this earth truly connect with us on a mental, spiritual, and emotional level. Yet, on a daily basis we try to hide or swivel our emotions.

I am still guilty of this some days but I am trying to work on it. I am choosing to work on this particular aspect of myself because the individuals who I have the upmost respect for all share one common thing... They admit to being emotional. Isn't that beautiful? Weak is not a word that would ever be used to describe any of these gorgeous people. Yet, being emotional is typically seen as a weak characteristic. I feel ashamed that I used to consider myself strong for hiding so many feelings. Covering up an emotion in it's purest form is a huge boo-boo. It's one of the three things that connect us with our people (mental, spiritual, emotional.) There is no logical explanation for someone who says they have no true friends when he/she covers their own raw emotions. Dude, be raw. Be authentic. It's the only reasonable way to make connections with other individuals just like yourself. 

Sometimes people who have been in my life for a very long time surprise me. I learn something new about someone's way of thinking and in half of a second my entire perspective of them has changed. In that split second I have not only learned something new about the person, but also about myself. Because, from every new bit of information we get we also get a new emotion. Life is made up of positives and negitives. These positives and negitives hold true with every single emotion we feel... In short anyways. So, with every new piece of information we get a new (positive or negitive) emotion is also created. Neat. 

So with all these emotions being caged up inside of us it's easy to make unnatural connections with people. When we make a conscious effort to set our emotions free it's amazing the amount of positivity that comes into our lives. Whether with new connections or old ones with a new perspective, allowing ourselves to be raw will bring natural, authentic connections into our circle more frequently. 

When I hear people say that someone is emotional it makes me a tad angry. I feel this negitive emotion because we are all emotional. Unless you have ever had lobotomy, then yeah, everyone else would be emotional compared to you. Since we are all emotional I think that what most people mean when they say someone is "emotional" is that the reactions they have to their raw emotions are handled poorly. Which is a completely differnt thing. 

So summing all that up... Everyone is emotional. Embrace it. Accept it. Learn to fricken love it and an amazing amount of positivity will come into your life. I promise. 

Much Love,

Megan