This year it felt as if I thought about April 6th every month. Every month it got a little closer and I got a little more nervous as to how I would feel. Would I be overcome with sadness like I was 4 years ago? Would the day feel like any other? Of course not. With every passing month I worried about my feeling on this day. I obsessed over the “what if’s”. What if I needed to stay in bed all day and cry but I have a son to take care of? What if he sees me crying and it upsets him? What if I’m so busy thinking about putting on a brave face I forget to mourn?
Death changes your life right at the exact moment someone else’s was stopped.
April 6th is the worst day. But it’s also a reset. A harsh reminder to be safe while driving, to submerge yourself into the people, places, and things you love. A reason to remember that life can be short, but it doesn’t have to be empty. April 6th is a pivoting point in so many lives. A day of loss, a day of change. A date that will never be forgotten or written incorrectly on a letter. April 6th, every year, is an adjustment.
Grief is this invisible smoke that creeps up and has the power to suffocate you.
Today I find tears in my eyes and my chest a little tight. Today is the worst day, but it’s also the best. It’s the best because I know I am not alone. I know so many people out there are remembering our friend, our sister, our granddaughter, our cousin, our niece, our daughter. We are all thinking of her and remembering her spirit. Her determination. Her eyes that were wise beyond their years. Her passion. Her fire. Together, today we remember Syd. This unity is a gift we all have. A community of April 6th survivors that we can all lean on.
Mourning continues long after the colour has returned to our wardrobe.
Much Love,
Megan
No comments:
Post a Comment