I had an urge to write today.

I’m feeling good. I did my yoga, applied my makeup and have supper prepped. My adorable little is playing with his pink ball and crawling around leaving a trail of drool. His teeth have doubled this week (3-6) and I have been feeling quite outnumbered. They keep popping through and causing him so much pain. Just when I think I’ve applied the perfect amount of natural numbing cream and the correct teething toy he wanted the balance that was originally require changes. 

So we adapt. 

We try new things, new combinations of old tricks and we hope for the best. That’s been my journey recently. 

It’s been tough but I’m trying to have more self awareness. I’m trying to understand exactly what makes me happy and exactly what makes me sad. Sounds a lot more simple then what the reality has been. 

Obviously I’ve done my fair share of adapting since Dax has been born. Stepping into my new role of “Mama” has been eye opening. I’m somehow teaching this human how to explore the world and figure out how his body and mind work as one. The scary thing about this is I’m not even sure I know what that even means. 

Yes, I understand that I have toes and he’s just recently found his. But the principle is the same. He’s learning how to adapt and move around his new environment and I’m doing the same.

I’m adjusting my routines. I’m learning how to love myself in hopes he will follow. I’m working hard on all my relationships so Dax can see how much his parents love eachother, their friends, their family, their work, their passions, and most importantly, themselves. 

I’m changing my negative thoughts into positive affirmations. I’m horribly failing. It’s so much easier for me to put myself down and to let others put me down because that habit is so deeply rooted. It’s gotten to the point that the roots are twisting around all the positivity in my life. Choking it out. So I’m changing.

This little human who laughs at the word poop and literally shits his pants once a day has forced me into this beautiful adapt to survive mentality. I was so blindly unprepared for his arrival. So blindly oblivious to the things I would learn. Oblivious to the things I would have to overcome. Oblivious to the the personal growth that was about to take place. 

I’m teaching him to walk, he’s teaching me to love. He’s the scariest surprise gift I’ve ever been given. 

Much Love,

Megan